Sarcasm For Babies

This is a milestone each child reaches at some point….taking over their own personal hygeine.  First they wash their hands, then they brush their own teeth and wash themselves in the tub.  If you are lucky, by the time they go to college they are even remembering to wash their hands after using the restroom!  After experimenting on many a doll, they often decide to take the next step and maintan their own hair as well.  The results can be horrifying, but it will save you a little bit of money on haircuts……

I Cut My Hair!!!

I’ve got a big surprise for you,
A shortened list of things to do!
While you were dozing in your chair
I got the scissors and cut my hair.

It may not have been done with skill
But there will be no costly barber’s bill.
So before I hear your screams and hollers,
“I just saved you twenty dollars!”

Bedtime….It is a struggle every parent must face.  They will find every excuse to avoid going to bed and getting them there is only half the battle.  Once in bed, they pop back out every few minutes with "I'm hungry", "I'm thirsty" or "I'm scared".  In our house we thought that a nite lite would solve the problem of being scared of the dark, but no………

Nite Lite

My nite lite has a single flaw

When banishing my fears.

Every time I close my eyes,

My nite lite disappears.

So I love the little nite lite

Sitting by my bed,

But what I think I really need

Is a nite lite in my head.

We have 4 amazing little children.  At the time I wrote this poem, they were 5, 4, 4, and 1 year old.  Needless to say, "Mine" is a word that we hear often in our house.  Although there are at least fourteen thousand toys all strewn about the floor, all four of their attentions will always turn to the same item at the same time.  It doesn't matter if it is a ball, doll, puzzle or even a shoe…..once one is enjoying it, they all want it and will go to any lengths to get it.

Strangely enough, there are certain exceptions to this phenomenon.  They include chores, soap, and yes……..vegetables.

“Mine”

I think my favorite word is “Mine”

And I use it every day.

I use it when I’m eating

And I use it when I play.

Everything I see is “Mine”

At home and in the stores.

Except when I see vegetables,

Then those are always “Yours”.

The wee little ones seem to have their own twisted sense of logic.  Sometimes they honestly believe that it is not only their right, but their duty to give us more work to do.  It also seems that they make the most mess when they are supposed to be helping clean up.  In our house, we call that un-helping when they actually make a job harder by assisting us.  Frustrating, but still cute. 

Mommy’s Little Helper

I like to help my Mommy

By messing up the floors.

If I didn’t do this

Then she would have no chores.

And if she had no chores to do

Then she would be quite sad.

So I am really being helpful

Every time that I am bad!

Jackson Nosleep

I’ve got a little story

If your sure you want to hear.

It’s the tale of Jackson Nosleep

And it happened right near here.

Now Jackson was a little boy

Who wouldn’t go to bed

He’d think of everything to do

To stay awake instead.

He’d stay awake by dancing

Or by rolling on the floor.

But his parents shook their heads

As they pointed to his door.

So he went into his room

And sat down on his bed.

While thoughts of how to stay awake

Were dancing through his head.

He pulled out all his toys

And made a terrible mess.

Would all his toys keep him awake?

The answer must be yes!

His mind began to wander

And turn to softer things.

Like clouds and cotton candy

And the lullaby Mom sings.

He thought of all his teddy bears

And wooly, fuzzy sheep.

Soon Jackson Nosleep closed his eyes

And drifted off to sleep.

Car Seat

I love my little car seat

Though it doesn’t smell too nice.

I’ve done so many things there,

I even pooped there twice.

It takes me to my Grandma’s house

And sometimes to the zoo

Everyplace that I go,

My car seat goes there too.

Baby Talk

I'm Little Baby Cries-a-Lot

And I've got lots to say.

I don't have any words yet,

So I speak another way.

I cry when I am hungry

and burp when I am through.

When I want attention

I might spit up on you.

So you better pay attention

And tell me I look cute

Or when you least expect it,

I'll give a little toot!

To get your own Baby Talk items — click here

I've Got To Go!

Mommy always tells me

To warn her in advance

When I get the feeling

I'm going to mess my pants.

So I tell her I have something

I think she needs to know.

She listens as I tell her

In a voice quiet and low.

She smiles as she asks me 

How soon I'll need to go.

I look up and I tell her

"About five minutes ago".

To purchase some "Got To Go"gear — click here